Wrong Decision
As the fire got bigger and the temperature higher, I quickly called 1-1-9 to get some help from the flying firemen. They recently developed a new system and invented artificial wings to quickly respond to emergency situations. This will be their first time using the new system. As the fire started spreading the firemen arrived to help us. One of the firemen immediately told me to jump so I did. I fell down the smoky building and onto the pavement because the fireman was so nervous that he wasn’t able to catch me. I woke up lying on the hospital bed.
I liked the idea of your story and how you said what the wings were for. You forgot to put a capital in your title though. Something I enjoyed a lot was the ending and how you said the firefighter dropped you and you woke up in the hospital. Great story!
ReplyDeletei like your story a lot i don't have any correction it really good and the ending is funny
ReplyDeleteI really like your story. But at the end you just end it maybe put in a like twist or something. I really liked your story and the ending. I also like all the powerful words. good job.
ReplyDeleteFantastic story! I really enjoyed it. Just one thing, you should change arrive to arrived.
ReplyDeleteI like your story there is the part about the new technology for the firemen that is kind of mashed in there but overall great story.
ReplyDeleteWell done. Your peers gave you some helpful feedback that you were able to apply to your story. You have really strong sentences that describe the beginning, middle and end of you story. Keep up the great writing.
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