When Hunger Strikes
Today, I came home from a really busy school day. I went to the kitchen and looked for something good to eat. On top of the counter I found slices of sweet bread and took a huge bite. Suddenly, my sister came out of nowhere and she was shocked to see me eating the bread. “Why are you eating that?” she said disgustingly. “The bread taste delicious” I said. Taking the bread out of my mouth I started inspecting it to see what the problem was. As I turned the bread over and I realized that it was really moldy bread.
Your story is really well done, except for the fact that you are switching between past and present tense. Try to stick with either past tense or present tense to help with the flow of your story.
ReplyDeleteI like your ending but maybe add more details and descriptive language.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story
ReplyDeleteWell done on revising and editing your story especially for punctuation. Be sure to use the feedback given to you by your peers. I also like the word choice you have chosen. For example disgustingly, inspecting and realized. Keep on writing.
ReplyDelete