Closer Look
Brrr,
as the cold winter wind blew against my face, it froze for a minute. Wearing my favourite red
toque gave me more confidence for I knew that conquering this mountain will be easier. Noticing the cloudy sky, I brought an umbrella in case it rained. I immediately opened my umbrella as raindrops dripped on my shoulders. When I reached the peak, it was foggy and the
rain had slowed down. As I stared down the mountain, I noticed a big, black
object had floated down the river. I used my binoculars and took a closer look,
only to realize it was a log.
You have lot of I's you might want to improve on that. You might want to use some powerful language in your story to improve. Otherwise it's good.
ReplyDeleteYou need a comma after mountain when you say that you stared down the mountain. Other than that, I really liked your story!
ReplyDeleteYour story's very creative but maybe change or add something about the log it's kind of misplaced.
ReplyDelete